You know how to make a trip to the vet with two dogs, one infant and one toddler even more fun? Add rain. Here's a synopsis of how the trip went.
8:30: Quit blogging you idiot, it takes forever to get out of the house with everyone.
8:40: Start making my way upstairs because I like to make life harder.
8:45: Get GB changed and ready
8:50: Retrieve DB from breakfast table, clean glued on cereal off his face, get dressed.
8:55: Get Zeus' lead and look for Fiji's--nowhere to be found, fuck it, she's small.
9:02: Look at clock and think we're in ok shape. Open garage door and notice rain. Shit.
9:04: Start loading up the vehicle with all occupants.
9:14: How the fuck did that take 10 minutes? I'm never making our 9:30 appt.
9:22: Yell at idiot drivers, DB ask "what happen mommy?", GB says "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", Fiji whines, Zeus blocks entire rear window view. Repeat at random at least 12 times.
9:37: Arrive at vet and unload stroller. Put fiji in basket. Put all shades up and put GBs pumpkin seat into stroller, have DB jump down, get Zeus out back.
9:42: Realize there are steps leading up to the entrance, fuck. Carry stroller up stairs while wrangling dog and telling DB to go go go.
9:44: Struggle with heavy doors into vet building--both sets.
9:45: Woman watches struggle for at least a minute before she decides, oh, maybe I should help. Thank you.
*insert fiji whining throughout*
9:48: Stand at counter hoping receptionist will hand me pen to sign in. Zeus leans hard into me.
9:49: Still waiting. Zeus rubs his face on my leg.
9:50: Snatch her pen off the counter when she goes to type something. Sign in.
9:51: Find a seat as far away from every other animal possible.
9:52: The vet has kid's books, bless you vet. DB asks mommy to read every one while Zeus constantly rubs his face against me.
9:54: Look down to see I'm covered in enough dog hair and eye goop to make a new dog. Curse.
9:55: Cheerful vet asst. brings over paperwork to fill out. DB asks to read 15 more times.
10:00: Zeus & Fiji? Get up follow asst. try to get Zeus on scale. Zeus lays on floor instead. LIFT Zeus onto scale, see that I just lifted 103lbs. Plop fiji on scale, ah 7.3lbs, much easier.
10:04: Asst. nice enough to take Zeus so I only have the boys and fiji.
10:05: Enter room the size of a phone booth and try to find a place for everything. GB starts crying, pick him.
10:06: Did you bring a stool sample? Fuck! (just what I needed to add to my day, searching for two sets of dogshit in the rain).
10:10: Asst. comes back with about 50 syringes and heartworm meds.
10:15: Vet comes in, love my vet, he's very cool, makes comment on my 'crew'. Checks dogs, draws blood, gives shot, explains both dogs need dental appt, chats me up for a while then goes.
10:30: Work my way back out of phone booth to check out. Sign away my new dishwasher with a promise to sign away the stove within the next six months.
10:36: Gather crew and make for the door with the help of bubbly asst. (who incidentally has a st. bernard, 2.5 yr old and 4 mo. old in an apt--ask me how I know).
10:44: Everyone strapped in, DB throws tantrum for not giving him an altoid.
11:02: Pull into garage, everyone freakin' asleep. Sigh. At least I didn't get attacked by any spiders.