'Tis the Season

To annoy me with waaaaay premature Christmas displays. I swear it's earlier every year. Next year you can expect the lights and songs to start at Labor Day. Do the retailers think that we don't know Christmas is coming? I have no chubby goose to say so, but don't think I'm not totally aware. I.LOVE.CHRISTMAS. OK, maybe not as much as the Radko Queen or Ms. HG, but they're crazy. ;) And if you want a jumpstart on holiday planning, visit Figgy Pudding, the aforementioned ladies will have you wrapped and bowed by Thanksgiving.

Anyway, I think I'm especially annoyed by the shoving of Christmas down my throat because it distracts from my absolute favorite time of the year, Autumn. Granted, this October has been wet and dreary, but generally speaking, it's the best time of year in Missouri. Fall brings with it wonderful things: apple pies, hearty soups and stews simmering on the stove all day, winter squash, turkey dinner, um wait, I swear it's not ALL about the food. There's also the changing of the leaves, the temperate days and cool nights, FOOTBALL (though my Bucs are an utter disappointment), and of course the beginning of the holiday season, starting with a long time favorite, Halloween.

I'm a sucker for Halloween, and amazingly it isn't all about the candy, I love to dress up. For weeks and weeks beforehand I'm racking my brain to come up with theee perfect costume. I don't like run of the mill, though I have resorted to being a vamp or witch, I generally like using current events or circumstance to create a costume. One year I was a ValueJet stewardess that crawled out of the swamp. While pregnant with DB, I donned pjs, curlers, grayed my hair and pinned a doll to my leg and wore another in a front carrier (and my big belly stuck out) "Me in 10 yrs". Last year, preggo with GB, I was "the Grim Reaper-ducer". The only year I got BWB to dress up, we were Poseidon and Amphitrite, but he hated every second of it.

This will be the first year in a while that I don't dress. I am lame. Now, I just have to live vicariously through my kids. Though, I'm not very creative with them. DB has been a dino the past two years, and this year will be a pirate. GB will wear a pumpkin sleeper and little pumpkin hat. Boring, but they'll be cute damnit.

So have a fun and safe Halloween. And if perchance you live in Tampa, go to Guavaween and get rip roaring drunk for me!

Because I Suck

I have to spend the two hours of DB free time (preschool) I have this week going to get ANOTHER inspection and ANOTHER emissions test to get my tags renewed because I let them expire by ONE FUCKING DAY.

See, I was trying to be the anti-slacker on my tag renewal. I got the notice in the mail, went and collected my emissions, inspection and personal property tax receipts in a timely manner. I actually went TO the county office with two children in tow with all my paperwork clipped together BEFORE my tag expired. Only to get to the front of the line, find out they won't take the receipts printed from the website and that I forgot my stupid proof of insurance in the car. I could have gone to a building two blocks away to get official tax receipts and another block to my car, and then two blocks back to the county office, but I said fuck it, I'll do it another day. That was TWO MONTHS AGO. All that stuff sat in the center console of my truck forgotten until a couple weeks ago when I happened to open it looking for a pen. If I'd taken care of it right then, I'd still have been ok, except for a late fee for my tags being expired, but no, I waited until yesterday not realizing my inspections were past the 60 day mark (did I mention by ONE DAY?).

So now, not only to I have to take the time to get reinspected and retested, but I also have to shell out another $50 or so for new tests and make yet another trip to the licensing office. But you can bet your ass I'm getting the two year renewal so I don't have to fucking do this again until '06 (and you can bet it will be along the same lines, because by then I'll have three kids and going anywhere will be absolute fucking hell).

Blocked.

I have serious blog block, I can't seem to figure out anything to write about these days. I guess when the weather is crappy and you stay in for the better part of a week, not much exciting happens. So here's just a bunch of random shit from this past week.

Monday night was interesting at least. I spent about 1.5 hours flipping between three different sporting events. If only all the red teams won, I would have been happy. Fucking Bucs. At least the Cards pulled it out and it will be another long, nail biting week of baseball.

My last photo class was Tuesday. I enjoyed it and really need to look for another course to take, maybe watercolor. It's good to get out and do something creative. Having taught art for five years, I had plenty of opportunity create, but now I don't even have time to scrapbook--I'm still working on my wedding album. Yes, I did just celebrate my *FOURTH* anniversary.

I cooked a little, I made chili and chicken cordon bleu this week. I baked another apple pie and made a bunch of baby food to put in the freezer.

We FINALLY got our cell numbers ported over from Sprint (you assholes) to Cingular, and can FINALLY play with my new phone. It only took 8 days, yes 8 fucking days. I was none too happy. But I love my new phone and it's about damn I actually get a signal inside my own house. Now I need to cancel our long distance and take our local service down to the most basic plan (yay, I'm saving money!).

My little shit sweet baby is crawling all over and pulled himself to standing today. Why couldn't I get a roly poly lethargic baby? Probably has something to do with stupid karma.

The elder boy is still a stink, but so funny that I *almost* have a hard time being aggravated with him. Out of nowhere, he busts out with things like, "mommy, you are pissing me off" where does he get this stuff? *doo dee doo dum doo* When he calls someone a cocksucker, I'm blaming the BWB (or Calamity Jane).

After two separate trips to 4 different stores, I finally bought DB's Halloween costume, he's going to be a pirate, ahoy! GB has a little pumpkin sleeper that I bought last year on clearance. I also bought candy (no BWB, I'm not telling you where it is), and we have pumpkins to carve, so I think we're set there.

That's about it. Wheee, the life of a SAHM is thrilling, no?

Go CARDS!

Something's Buggy

It's my basement. Ever since we dug up the ground behind the house and poured a patio we've had an influx of various pests. In addition to the dust spiders that hang around the floorboards, we also now enjoy the company of crickets, millipedes and ants. I just picked up 6, yes 6 millipedes milling about in plain sight and tossed them outside. I've vacuumed up more ants than I can count and actually left the dust spiders because they trap and kill the other bugs. Who'da thought, I'd like spiders for a change.

Time to call the Orkin Man.

Ahhh, the modern life.

Thus far, in celebrating our anniversary, the BWB and I have forced each other to find some stupendous gift conforming to the Traditional Anniversary table. This is no easy feat. 1st anniversary is paper, mmkay paper. But, I think we did really well that year. I bought the BWB a framed autographed JoePa print, and he got me this beautiful fall leaves triptych I'd fallen in love with at a local art fair. Year two: cotton, how exciting. I received two pairs of warm flannel jammies and I brought the BWB back a bubba gump tshirt from Charleston, SC. Yup, that's right, I wasn't even with my husband on our anniversary. And yes, I said a tshirt, I suc. Year three we have leather. Ooooo, leather you say, kinky. Uh no. BWB got a leather valet to hold his pocket contents that were otherwise strewn over open counter space. He bought me shoes, did you hear that Martha, shoes! Good man. So, we get to year four--fruit & flowers. I drew the line here, really I mean we could have purchased some shrubs for the backyard or a nice Harry and David's gift basket, but blah. So I cheated and peaked at the modern list. And what did to my happy eyes appear? APPLIANCES! I could barely contain my excitement, we must veer just this once (ok and maybe the tenth which is DIAMONDS--I mean who really wants something tin or aluminum? Happy anniversary dear, have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up) Oops, I got carried away, but there were diamonds involved. So, appliances! Whoever said appliances were a bad gift did not have my love of kitchen gadgetry. Nosirree bob, I wouldn't kick BWB outta bed for eating crackers if he bought me appliances.

So, what's all this blathering about? THIS!!!

So what you say, it's just a range? Blasphemy! It's a beautiful lovely gorgeous digital radiant heat bi-level shelved superfabulous range. And it's a convection oven. And it's shiny, like diamonds. Is it bad to love a stove? If it's bad I don't want to be good.

You may now call me Suzy Homemaker.

Piiiiiiie. 

Happy Anniversary

Honey, I wish the first thing I said to you this morning was not, "can you go get the baby, I'm tired", but rather, I love you so much, thank you for four wonderful years and two beautiful boys.

It's hard to believe that four years ago today we were running around getting all the last minute things done before walking down the aisle.



I can still remember everything melting away but the sight of you at the alter. All the butterflies, the nerves, the fretting gone in a single instant, because the only thing that mattered was that you were there waiting for me.



After all was said and done, you could not have ripped the smile from my face. I wanted to be hugging you, kissing you, just being with you.



As we pulled away from the church and had those first moments all to ourselves, I was overcome. It was real, it was you and me together finally after so long.



Our reception was flawless. It was exactly what I'd envisioned for so many years.



And our swing dance, oh how we shocked them.



So since I didn't say it this morning, I'll say it now. I love you. Despite all our bickering and frustrations I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. You are my rock, my friend, my true love.

Tequila (to-kill'-you)

Here is a margarita.



Here is a margarita an hour later:



Here are my predictions coming true:


Martha WAS entertaining, here she is dancing a jig just for me.


Here I am groping VG and the DQM.


HG and I forgot about the kids for a night!


Ms. Poppins was a bit indignant when I called her a lazy no-good non-blogger.

And here I am breaking the rules:


Me hugging the Ms. Pammy and the VF .

Amazingly I survived to tell you about it. I do not have photographic evidence of puking on the plane ride home, but I'm sure you're quite happy about that. Last but certainly not least, if you are ever in Oak Park, IL go to the New Rebozo (the food is to die for) and meet Paco.



You don't *have* to rub his head, but you do have to tell him OH MY GOD! for me.

24 hours from now

I will be sipping wine in a hotel bar with any number of the women whose links are to your right. I can not begin to tell you how fucking excited I am. This will be my first time away from GB for any length of time and the first time in two years that I'm going somewhere solo for a weekend.

Be prepared for a photo documentary upon my return--yes, this means you Martha, because I have this feeling you will provide much entertainment in your champagne induced stupor. And when you head over to Holly's blog, I'm sure you'll find incriminating pics of me groping VG and the DQM, because well, it's inevitable. I have some things to remember as well, VF does NOT like hugs, and see, I hug, everyone, especially when I drink, I grope them too, did I already mention that? So, DON'T HUG VF. check. Next, will have to commiserate with HG over leaving our sick children and then laugh because we don't have to take care of them for a change, and order another martini. Then I have to give Mrs. Poppins grief for quitting blogging, I stay home with my kids and still blog, hmm, what does that say about me? Who cares, pour the champagne! Then I will have to have a drink for 007 who will not be joining us, sniff. Last but definitely not least, don't drink wine, apple martinis and Miller Lite, excessively, in the same night, because last time I was in Chicago, I did this, and well, the entire next day I spent puking in random toilets throughout the city.

So, if you're in Chicago this weekend and you come across a raucous group of women drinking margaritas, run, run fast...

It's a good thing

that I didn't attempt to let the dogs out BEFORE coffee this morning.


 

The Unibomber goes apple picking 

One, Cingular Sensation...

fear.

The Slacker family went to the local Cingular store this last weekend to switch over our phone service and purchase a couple of new cell phones. Walking into the store was like walking into the redneck twilight zone. The store was waaaaaay to big for the merchandise, so it was very empty, thus, everything was louder than it should have been. There was a single employee, two women at the counter and three people waiting for service.

We looked at each other and shrugged--should we stay? We did, but not for long. As we checked out the phones and thumbed through a couple brochures, we couldn't help but overhear the conversation of the two women at the counter. The were discussing the hurricanes in Florida and how they are asking medical people to go down there (I'm assuming she was a nurse). I really only heard snippets at first.

Nurse:....yeah, my friend went down after Frances then got stuck there by Janine (um, it was Jeanne)...

Fat Lady:...I feel so bad fer them people, thay ain't got no power or gas or food (we are in redneck, MO)...

Nurse:...my friend visited this one guy and he asked if she was hungry as he'd trapped 14 rabbits. I'd rather die than eat rabbit. (this is where I started paying attention)

Cingular Guy: OH I LOVE rabbit, it's so good! (um, ok, thanks for that announcement)

Nurse: I would rather starve than eat that stuff. I eat a little chicken here and there, but that's about it.

CG: Well, it's better than all the processed, hormone filled meats most people eat.

Nurse: Oh, if I had to live on veal and lamb, I wouldn't. (yah, chicken farms are much more humane)

CG: Yah, I love rabbit...and squirrel!

Fat Lady: I like fried squirrel.

::Slacker family quickly makes way to door::

Ah, to live in the Midwest.

I Love IT!

Toddlers are funny creatures. They inadvertently say something brilliant that has you in stitches and you stupidly encourage repetition of phrase to get a laugh out of friends and family, but you pay the price, oh how you pay. See toddlers are logical, really. They aren't biased by all the extraneous thoughts, feelings and opinions that adults are. They think wow, XPhrase made mommy and daddy laugh, then it made auntie W laugh, even poppop and gramma laughed. XPhrase=positive attention. The more I say XPhrase, the more positive attention I will get. See, toddlers don't understand the concept of moderation. They will eat ice cream til they puke, run in circles until they fall down dizzy and beat a phrase to death. I'm still kicking myself for teaching DB the Joey "How YOU doin?" because I hear it, 752 times a day. 7-5-2. God help me I want to tape his mouth shut. His newest thing?

I LOVE IT

Mommy?
Yes honey?
I love you!
Aww :big hugs sniffles:

Mommy, I found something!
What dear.
My car! I love cars!
That's nice dear.

Mommy, what's that?
A rock
I LOVE rocks!

(makes sense, he's a boy, boys like rocks)

Mommy, what you got?
dirty socks.
I LOVE dirty socks!
Um, ok. Go put them in the laundry room.

(hmm, this could work in my favor)

Mommy, whatcha doing?
Cutting an onion.
I LOVE onions!
You don't like onions.
I LOVE onions!
Well here, eat some.
No.
But you love them.
:moves quickly away:

(not quite as effective)

Mommy what's that?
A spider
I LOVE SPIDERS!
Heee heee heeee, guess you aren't your father's son.

Mommy whatcha doing?
Sweeping up dog hair
I love dog hair.
??? Okeee...

Mommy..
Yes, I know you love it.
Yah, I love it.

Mommy
What DB?
I love you.
MmmHmmm...do I at least rank above dog hair?
I love dog hair!
:smirk: