It can't be a good sign

when it takes you THREE tries to brew your morning coffee.

Because the first time, despite having ground the beans, you forget to actually PUT THEM IN THE COFFEEMAKER. They don't do you much good sitting in the grinder, do they? Mmmm, hot water, I love a cup 'o' hot water in the morning.

Then the second time you actually remember to add the beans and water, you make the coffee so weak, it wouldn't wake up your two year old. Nothing like coffee flavored water, yummy.

Thankfully the third time's a charm or I might have just chewed on some coffee beans instead.

Biggest Shopping Day of the Year

Why yes, I am crazy, I do go out and shop on this most ludicrous day of shopping pandemonium. I've been doing this for the past four years without fail, though I'm not one of the truly loony who sets their alarm for five am to be at WalMart for a $25 DVD player. No sir, I'm not THAT crazy, and you know how I feel about WalMart. But something within me enjoys a little of the insanity and of course bargains, I loves me some bargains. Generally speaking, this day produces great stories of desperate people chasing that evasive must-have toy or fighting over the last $32.95 TV. No such luck this year, alas, all I got is a woman nearly puking on my shoes in the middle of Target and an old lady with no sense of personal space in the checkout aisle. Ho Hum.

I did get some good deals though. I might even have possibly found something for the BWB and hidden it right under his nose. Oh wait, he reads this, uh never mind honey.

Intersection of the Seasons

Temperatures dropped, snow fell. In the space of an hour, snow blanketed our neighborhood, enveloping the Bradford Pear trees currently at the height of color. It was a beautiful sight witnessing the seasonal crossover.

One Quarter = Two Pennies

At least that's how a toddler sees it, as that is what exited his system yesterday morning. I know you all were dying to know.

Sometimes, just when you need it...

life grants you a reprieve.

This, has been a crappy week. Not my normal 'I'm not sure if I can handle being a SAHM' or 'toddlers suck' thing. This was a full bore, teetering on the brink week. Let's just start out by saying that GB, not sleeping. He has been teething, congested and then a few nights ago woke up at 3am and started vomiting. Changing crib sheets in the middle of the night with a cranky baby is no picnic. We went to the ped to confirm my suspicion, yes indeed, GB has a nasty ear infection. So I go a couple nights with maybe 3-4 total hours of sleep, and then have to stay home all day with sick baby and rambunctious, doesn't like not getting attention, toddler (who is refusing to nap).

Now, add in one serving of really bad family news. Not death, but really bad. Sorry to be cryptic, but it's my husband's family, and I want to maintain privacy about it. But let's say that it puts a lot of pressure on everyone involved as well as making us all feel totally helpless.

OK, I haven't jumped yet, was still doing ok at this point. THEN, I actually have a date for drinks with an old friend at my very favorite wine bar. A reprieve, right? Wrong. Like I did when I took my photo classes, I drove the kids into my husband's office, we switch cars and he drives the kids home. Only on the way, DB starts coughing in the back seat. He likes to fake cough, so I asked him to stop. Here's the conversation that follows:

DB: *cough cough*
Me: Honey, don't do that.
DB: I can't reach it.
Me: Reach what?
DB: My money.
Me: Where is it?
DB: In my belly.
Me: WHAT?!?! You put money in your mouth?
(Did I mention I'm driving down the highway right now?)
DB: Yeah..
Me: AND YOU SWALLOWED IT??
DB: Yeah, it's in my belly.
Me: &^*&^$@*#^@!!! What kind of money *sets coins on arm rest*
DB: Dat one *points to quarter*
Me: Great. *calls ped*
Ped: Dr's office
Me: How worried should I be that my son just swallowed a quarter? (interpretation: does this mean I'm spending my night in the ER instead of having drinks with friends? *weep*)
Ped: Is he breathing ok?
Me: Yes, he's fine.
Ped: I'll have the nurse call you.

We arrive at BWB's office, he comes down, ped still hasn't called back so I call them, they said as long as it wasn't a penny (some corrosive property), he's breathing fine, and he can eat, then just watch his stool (oh joy).

So, I did have drinks, though they were peppered with phone calls from home to update me, which is fine, I wanted to be. But, I ended up probably having one too many glasses of wine to drown out life and that's never smart when you have child that isn't sleeping. Sigh.

Fast forward to yesterday and I'm exhausted, I come downstairs with GB to check email and ask DB if he wants to come. No, he's watching Dora. Fine. I go up ten minutes later and DB greets me at the top of the stairs, his whole face is covered in green.

Me: What in the world did you eat?!
DB: *silence*
Me: DB, have you seen your face?? What did you eat?
DB: *sheepishly* paper
Me: What paper?
DB: Oh, did paper and points to the floor where I see...

Me: *Head explodes* WHY ARE YOU EATING A PHOTOGRAPH??!!
DB: Dunno

This is where I about lost it. I scrubbed his face (probably too hard), brushed his teeth (again probably too hard) and threw him into bed threatening homicide if he came out. I called the BWB and told him I was going to lose it. That I was done, at the end, teetering on the brink. He really didn't know what to say and I in turn felt horrible for dumping even more on him after all the stress he was already under with the family thing. Ugh. I hung up and tried to calm myself down. Thankfully, I have a great support group online, they talked me off the ledge. Then I sucked up all my pride and did something very very hard for me, I called my sister-in-law and asked for help. She is so awesome, she works long shitty hours and she spent four hours of her day off watching the boys for me. LOVE HER.

We got more bad news about the family stuff that afternoon, and DB is definitely in a stink phase, but I survived the day.

Oh, the reprieve? GB, my blessed child, slept from 8:30pm to 7:30am straight. Even when he sleeps through, he always wakes up between 4am and 5am, not today. Small victories, I'll take 'em.

Mop Chop

I'll miss the curls, but at least people won't stop me wherever I go to tell me what a beautiful GIRL I have.

Sunday Blatherings

Steam cleaning your carpet is a lot of work (if you do it yourself, obviously hiring someone else to do it is much easier). And, it's gross. Because you know what, I really didn't NEED to see all the shit that was in my carpet. I didn't NEED to know how much dirt and dog hair the collective family had been crawling around on. And I really don't NEED to think about the fact that I probably only touched the surface. So, I will think that my great room carpet is as clean as the day it was installed, and will totally overlook the butternut squash spit up stain that still did not come out even after multiple passes and a good dousing of Spot Shot.

Also, my Aries Child, he is stubborn. Shocker, right? He will not nap without battle, he will not go to sleep at night--without battle. He can be falling on the ground, rubbing his eyes raw tired and will no got gently into that good night. He will stand in his crib and he will scream until hoarse. It is maddening. The elder boy didn't sleep through the night until 8 months, but he ferbed in like three days. This child is having none of it. He demands rocking and nursing and screams anyway unless you are walking--unless you are nursing, and then he's sucks happily and falls asleep until I cruelly remove the boob and then the screaming and the arching resume. Did I mention the 'throw himself backwards with such determination that he surely would like to fall to floor' arching? STUBBORN. Yes mom, I know this is all some sort of kharmic payback for your dealings with a stubborn Aries child-shut up already.

But, on a positive note, I went shopping yesterday for some new jeans for me, and I went down a size, YAY! I was surprised since I haven't really lost any weight, but I guess my baby belly is still shrinking. I don't know what the difference has been between the two post partums, but at this point with DB (7 months), I was still humongous and not getting any better. AND I was in my sister in law's wedding and had to buy a dress in an obscene size (to me). So depressing. This time, I don't know, just seems to be so much easier. I'm actually less than my pre preg weight with GB, just working on getting to prepreg with DB!

Yesterday

Neither DB nor I ever changed out of our pajamas.

My washing machine came to life and moved about five feet out of its normal space, twice.

I washed a handful of peas. My newfound resolve to check every pocket (after washing my phone 2 wks ago) apparently did not extend to bib pockets. Anyone hungry? I've got *really* clean peas!

GB is officially cruising. I watched him push a step stool all the way across the dining area yesterday. God Help Me.

GB can also reach all the low tables, as I realized too late when I came out of the bathroom to see that he had pulled down my soda and was happily sucking on an ice cube.

Rainy days suck when you are a SAHM and you know your husband will not be home that night. SUCK, S-U-C-K.

OK Motherhood, I Surrender

Is it sick and wrong that I'm excited about the prospect of getting a minivan? My sister-in-law works at a Ford Dealership and we've purchased our last five cars through them. Needless to say we get good deals, and she gives us the heads up whenever new incentives come about. Well, 0% financing is a great incentive, and SIL knows that I've been coveting the Freestar since it came out last year. Understand that we buy Fords, so despite the fact that I'd probably prefer a Town and Country or an Odyssey over the Freestar, that just ain't gonna happen. I'll take my automobile convenience where I can get it.

Now, I've loved my Explorer and my Expedition. They were both great SUVs and after the ginormous adjustment of driving a big vehicle after owning a Stealth for five years, I got really used to that high on the road feeling. So much so, that I don't like driving the BWB's car. But to the point, they aren't the most convenient kid vehicles on the road (or fuel efficient). The Expedition sat up so high, that I'd have to hoist the kids up to shoulder level, maneuver them over the side of the carseat and NOT crack their skull on the top of the door frame. DB can pretty much climb in himself thanks to the running boards, but if it's wet or rainy, he gets his knees soaked and of course there is always the possibility of falling the long way to the ground. The carseats sit next to each other, GB on the driver side, DB in the middle. To strap DB in, I have to get into the front, kneel in my seat and turn around. Pain.in.the.ass.

The third seat is also a big problem. First, the carseats we have don't fit securely on it, so kids will always have to be in the second row. Thus, if we have another, no one can ever sit in the back unless they crawl through the hatch or we take a carseat out to pull the seat forward. That's pretty useless if you ever want to drive someone else around with the kids.

I'm ready for at least something about SAHMhood to get easier, and if it involves getting out of the house, yay! It would be so nice to have a door that *slides* open so I can stop leaving all those little white marks on the BWB's passenger door (in the garage)--shhh, it wasn't me. And, for DB to be able to easily step up into the van and get himself into his carseat. And to get them both strapped into the back and just walk straight up to my sit and be ready to go!

Cross your fingers that I will be the owner of this by next week:

Even if it makes me a big fat geek.

Take a Moment

today, to think about the soldiers who have fought for our country and freedoms. Say a prayer for those overseas to return home safely. Just remember.

Shouldering a Burden

Remember when I did this? Yeah, so that's caught up with me. I'd been having random pains in my shoulder when it moved in a certain direction, so I finally asked my doc about it. He referred me to a joint specialist and I went in today to have xrays and whatnot. Ends up I tore my rotator cuff. Oh, that would explain it. So now starts a regiment of physical therapy and daily exercises to strengthen the muscles. How confident am I in my ability to follow through with these exercises you ask? I'm predicting surgery by '06. ;P

Sleepless in St. Louis

After the wonderful day we had yesterday, full of fresh air, running around and general merriment, I could never have predicted the night to come. We spent the afternoon at a school where the BWB played in his annual work football game. It was an amazingly warm and beautiful day for November and both boys got plenty of exercise and fresh air. After the game we ran home and straight back out to my SILs for dinner. We were home around 7:45, so no one was up past their bedtime (though napping was cut short during the day). We got both kids ready and put to bed with no struggle and settled in for some relaxing and tv watching. Though, by 8:45, I think both of us were ready for bed as well. Here's how the rest of the evening went:

10:00pm-Wah wahh, boohoo...coming from GB's room. Not surprising, he often wakes up right before we go to bed. I generally top him off and put him back down. In about 15 minutes I was on my way to bed. Only for the crying to resume. I decided that we were going to wait and let him cry for a while. After about 6-7 minutes, he went to sleep. And so did we (about 10:30)

11:15pm-Waaaaahh, wahhhh. Me: ugh, what the...drag my very tired ass out of bed and pat GB. This only pisses him off, so I pick him up and bounce him to no avail, he wants boob. Well, we're not going there GB, so you're going to have to cope. After about 10 minutes of intermittent screaming, the BWB comes in like, what the fuck? Do you want me to take him? No, I'm fine. rock rock rock. shhh shhh shhh. He eventually dozes back off.

11:30pm-BWB and AK back to bed

12:30am-WAaaaaaaaaaaahhhh wahhhhhhhH!
I hit the BWB, honey it's your turn.
Him: huh? wah?
Me: I think we should give him some tylenol, maybe it's his teeth.
Him: Zzzzzzzzzz
Me: *throws back covers angrily* Fine, I'll fucking do it.
Him: Huh? did you hit me...zzzzz....
Go in give Tylenol, nurse because I'm too tired for this battle, and maybe he's thirsty.

12:50am--Back to sleep

3:30am--WAaaahh wahhhhh waahhhh
Smack BWB so there is no doubt I'm hitting him
Him: Whaa?
Me: Baby's crying
Him: *drags ass outta bed and calms baby*

3:40am-BWB comes back and returns to bed

4:00am--WAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Me: Dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gets out of bed and nurses damn baby back to sleep.

4:15am- I crawl back under covers and get comfortable only to hear, "Dadddddyyyyyy, sniffle sniffle, dadddyyyyyyyyyy"
Shit, get up and go to DB's room. Hear muffled cries for daddy. Try not to trip over stuff in the dark, get to bed, cries still muffled.
Feel top of bed--no child
Feel floor beside bed--no child
Feel between wall and mattress to see if child is there
***daddddyyy help me***
BWB comes into the room and turn dimmer switch onto low setting.
Me: Where the hell is he?!
BWB: Under the bed.
Me: Lifting dust ruffle to see toddler stuck under the safety rail that is shoved under the bed. "How did you get down there?"
DB: *crying*
BWB: What happened DB? Did you fall out of bed?
DB: sniffle, yahhhhh, sniffle
BWB: Do you want to lay back down?
DB: Noooooooooo!
BWB: What if daddy lays with you?
DB: OK.
Me: turns off light, goes back to bed.

4:30am-BWB returns to bed.
Me: How in the hell did he get under there.
Him: grumble, zzzzzzz
Me: *toss turn toss turn*

5:15am--WAaahhhhhhh!
Me: good freakin god, kicks BWB. You have to go. I fed him at four.
Him: grumble, curse, grumble

5:23am- BWB returns to bed

6:00am-WAaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
BWB goes and gets GB out of crib and takes him down to basement.

6:15am-Wondering why BWB isn't back I go look for them. Find BWB on the couch downstairs bouncing a crying GB and looking like his head will pop off any second.
Me: Just give him to me.
Him: I'm fine.
Me: You're pissed off, I'll take him.
Him: Whatever.
Me: *Goes upstairs, nurses, puts GB in crib (where he immediately starts fussing) and walks out of the room closing door* Lays in bed praying lightening to strike me dead.

6:25am-BWB retrieves crying GB from room and takes him back downstairs, given up entirely on getting any more sleep.

7:45am-DB gets up, comes in the bedroom and stands next to me.
Me: go.find.daddy
Him: ok

7:55am- Wake up to pissed off GB crying. Stumble outta bed. Walk by guest bath to see one sleeper soaking in the sink, one super nasty diaper on floor and one unhappy looking BWB coming down the hall.
Me: *ick face*
Him: Sorry about the crying, only got two hands..
Me: No, I was making a face about the diaper.
Him: Uh, yah, that was foul.

8:30am- Decide to go out to breakfast because the thought of having to do anything other than swill coffee and shovel food into our mouths was overwhelming.

It is Done

The election is over, Bush remains in office, the GOP picked up a bunch of seats in Congress and I should be happier. I do consider myself a Republican, a moderate maybe even a Centrist with Liberal leanings on social issues, but being a fiscal conservative, I vote my checkbook. It's my money, I earned it, I'd like to spend it how I want, not how the government wants me to. I'm a charitable person, I will contribute my time, money, and blood to people in need, but I want to choose those causes. I don't think the government should be in charge of doling out our cash, especially to some of the totally worthless people I've seen collecting it.

Gay marriage? Hey, two loving people in a committed relationship? I'm ok with that. I've always felt that gay couples weren't asking for MORE rights, just equals ones. I'm pro-choice, yes even after having two wonderful boys and two not so wonderful miscarriages. Personally, I couldn't have one (at least at this age), but I'm not ready to make that decision for every woman. Enviroment? Damn, I wish I were more responsible, but I'm not ready to give up my SUV just yet.

OK, the war in Iraq. Such a touchy subject. I'm not completely opposed, but don't have the energy to debate it, go HERE if you need to see some of the good reasons why we're there. Or I can let the BWB tell you, he's just a weeee bit more hardcore on this issue.

Bottom line, I'm glad the current administration stayed in place. I have a lot of friends who are totally devastated. They ask, how can so many people be so blind/stupid/Bush condoning? To them I say, people vote for their issues, not the man. Do I love Bush? No, not really, but when I tallied it all up, I prefer him being President.

The BIG Day

The day that the onslaught of political mailers, ads and phone calls come to an end, Grace Be to God. OK, seriously though, in an attempt to be an educated voter I looked up just what exactly I'll be voting on tomorrow (in addition to the candidates). There are about a gagillion propositions, amendments, and judge retentions on the ballot and damn if I didn't make it through oh about three before starting to skim, skip and scroll through the list without enlightening myself one damn bit. I still get brownie points for trying right?

So, with the propositions, I know I can reread what they are at the polls, but with the judge retentions, egads, I think I'll do what I do every year and skip over the whole lot. Boo Hiss, giving up my right to choose, but damn, I guess it won't make a difference directly to me until I'm up in front of one of those judges for having egged my pyscho neighbor's house anyway. Then I'll be sorry.

Off to vote...

Argh!

The DB was so cute in his pirate costume, and charmed the pants off the neighbors with his exclamations of ARGH! when they answered the door. Despite the rain, it was a good night, and there is currently way too much candy in our house.

I did have to say an Argh! of my own early in the evening. We started trick or treating around 5:45, it was dark, DB was anxious, and I didn't want to be out very late so he could wind down before bed. So, we hit our next door neighbors, and are greeted with a smile, a "how cute" and of course, candy. We proceed to the next house--it's a family of four, mom, dad and two teenage girls. The mom was out front looking a little flustered and as I greeted her, she walked by me mumbling something about looking for a different child. Um, ok. Meanwhile we're just standing there on her sidewalk not sure what to do. She came back up looking aggravated and asked:

Her: Is it six o'clock yet?
Me: Uh, I'm not sure.
Her: Because trick or treating doesn't start until six o'clock.
Me: Really, I didn't know trick or treating had an official start time. *snicker*
Her: (dead serious) Oh yes, St. Louis County ordinance says that trick or treating is from 6pm to 8pm.
Me: (blank stare)
Her: So, you need to come back later, we aren't quite ready yet.
Me: Um, ok. (psycho)

Who turns away a two year old, on Halloween night, ten minutes before 6pm? What a nutjob. I continued up a couple house and talked to some other neighbors who had congregated in their garage to hand out candy and told them the story. They offered me a beer (and eggs), and told me a few additional stories about weird neighbor. I thought I should just go back at 8:01pm to really piss her off. Seriously, what a psycho.