Why?

That infernal inquisitive little word, if I never hear it again, I'll be a happy woman. For those of you who think that the "why why why" phase is merely a ploy, think again. Those tv shows and movies that depict small children repeatedly asking "Why?" after every.single.retort are real--REAL! Damn them.

If you haven't guessed, DB is fully immersed in the Why Phase. Every previous phase I found annoying PALES in comparison to the why phase. Why? Because you can never ever win. Never. This is how a typical conversation goes in our house these days:

Me: DB, it's time to pick up your toys.
DB: Why?
Me: Because you took them out and it's your job to put them away.
DB: Why?
Me: Because they are your toys.
DB: Why?
Me: Just pick up your toys NOW.
DB: Why mommy?
Me: *head explodes*

Me: DB, eat your veggies.
DB: Why?
Me: So you grow big and strong.
DB: Why?
Me: So you can ride the bus.
DB: I ride bus when I a big boy!!!
Me: Yup, so eat your veggies.
DB: Why?
Me: *head explodes*

My head has exploded so many times that I don't even know where are the pieces are. Pretty please tell me that this a short-lived phase--even if it's a complete and utter LIE.

If your gonna go, go big!

There are a few things I generally dislike in this life. For instance, when people misuse less & fewer, man that burns my butt. Getting up several times a night to tend to a shrieky, pissed off infant doesn't do much for my positive outlook on life. Stupid people, yeah, not all that fond.

But, something I truly despise--cleaning the bathroom. Ick. I hate bathrooms, they are gross. You'd think that someplace you go to make yourself clean could not possibly be so dirty, but add in the whole waste elimination issue, especially with two toilet-using males, and well, there you go. So let's just say that cleaning my bathroom is not top ten on my list of things I want to do in a day or week or month. I kinda procrastinate on it. Now, I'm not totally neglectful, I do regularly brush out the toilets and wipe down the counters, but scrubbing grout? No thanks.

Then one day, out of the blue, I decide, hey I'm cleaning the bathroom today. And when that mood strikes, back away, take the kids and leave home because I'm not coming out for at least 3 hours and the smell of cleaning products will suffocate small animals. I get crazy obsessed with all aspects of the bathroom. These rare occasions often entail cabinet and shelf reorganization along with the scrubbing, rinsing and wiping of every available bathroom surface. Also, ninety percent of the time, the bathroom looks ten times worse before it looks better. This is always the moment that BWB chooses to pop in and ask if I'm finished yet, sees the disaster that is the bathroom, rolls his eyes and walks back out. He so doesn't get my cleaning compulsions. I say why mess with a good thing? OK, it might be better if I actually cleaned the bathroom more often, but hey, take what you can get.

Upon finishing the job, my hands are cracked, my lungs are burning, but the bathroom sparkles. Is that shiny clean bathroom motivation to clean more often? Uh yeee-ah, check back in oh about three months and I'll let you know.

A DB Funny

The Scene: BWB, my SIL, her fiance and I are sitting in the basement watching the playoffs. DB is running around the playroom yelling "Weee-Ooooo Weeee-Ooooo Weeeee-Ooooo" (similar to a European police siren).

SIL: DB, what kind of truck makes that sound?

DB: A Weee-Oooo truck.

I love that boy.

Adventures at the Chuck (and other tales)

In case you didn't know, a frosty Saturday afternoon spent inside Chuck E. Cheese (henceforth known as CEC) is the seventh level of hell. The woman standing outside the front door as we pulled up was but a harbinger of the day ahead. She was probably in her 70s, shivering in the cold, wearing a respirator and smoking a cigarette. I wanted to get back in the car and go home right then. But, it was DB's best friend's birthday and I would have had hot pokers stuck in my eye before we missed it because I just adore that girl. Besides, even the seventh level can be made fun when spent with our friends A & N.

The place, was packed. P-A-C-K-E-D. We managed to scrounge a couple of booths and dump gifts, diaper bags, purses and the 16 lbs of winter outerwear we shed. Since both the BWB and I were there we split kid duty, he watched GB, I watched DB. DB was off and running in two seconds flat. Keeping an eye on him was like tracking the stealth bomber sans radar. We arrived at the giant tunnels where we spied the bday girl up on the third level of the climbing area bawling because she was too scared to go all the way up by herself. Guess who jammed herself in there to accompany the three yr old to the top? Yup, that would be my fat ass me. Glad there were no cameras at the ready as I'm sure I looked like a total gump trying to squeeze from level to level amid hopped-up hellions to get "L" to safety. I slid back down to chuckles from L's dad and grandpa, yeah, next time you climb your butts there.

Most of the day was spent sticking tokens into silly games, playing where the fuck is my kid hide n seek with my child, and eating greasy CEC pizza and rot your teeth sweet cake. But that's what a three yr old's birthday is all about, no? After several more trips up into the tunnels from hell and several rounds of skeeball with my friend A, it was time to call it a day. Because we'd had enough? No (well yes, but no), we had ANOTHER birthday party to attend that evening. Thankfully this one was at our friend's house and only family (and us) and thus a bit less chaotic. Or so we thought.

We came home, tried to get some naptime out of the kids (to no avail), and headed back out around 4:15pm. It's about 30 minutes to our friend's house and aside from about 10 minutes of the trip consisting of a screaming 9 month old, the rest was pretty uneventful--UNTIL! Until we get to the road off of which we turn to get into their subdivision, it was CLOSED. We drove through the ROAD CLOSED (local traffic only) as we figured we'd be able to get through, which is when we came upon a woman in a white minivan perpendicular to the road and stuck deeply in the mud. There was a man there to help her, but they were making no progress, so we knew that BWB had to go help. The boys and I sat in the car (running) to keep warm and call our friends to find out just how to get to their subdivision. Thankfully stinkchild was sleeping and thus not screaming, at least for a while.

After several attempts to give the tires something to grab, both this man and BWB were mud splattered and out of options. I called our friends who have a pick up and tow rope to help. The stinkchild started shrieking at this point so I opted to go to our friends house and leave BWB to wait for K. I guess it was just fate that we weren't told of the construction so we'd come across this woman. Did I mention it was maybe 20 degrees, starting to snow and she had an infant in the car? I'm glad we could help.

The party was fun and relaxing, well except for K's brother-in-law who was quite, um interesting. No, not interesting, more like skeevy. We stayed until around 10pm talking, eating, drinking and playing with kiddos. By the time we left the snow was an inch or so deep and the roads, not-so-good. Driving east on 70 we came across the first serious accident within 5 minutes. The entire westbound side was shut down and a plethora of emergency vehicles cascaded the night with flashing lights. Turning on to 270 south, we came across an eight car pile up where all but one northbound lane was closed. There was a jeep flipped over, and a car literally wedged underneath another; the tires from the front car rested on the back car's roof. Jesus, I hope everyone survived. All I could do was pray to get home safely and thank God that neither accident deterred our traffic more than the standard rubbernecking with the two children in the car and craptacular weather.

All in all and adventurous Saturday to say the least.

I Love a Bargain

And boy oh boy have been feeling the love the past couple of days. By nature, I hate paying full price for anything, I will go out of my way to find something cheaper if possible. It's a quest, the thrill of the hunt and whatnot. I know I inherited this tendency from my mom. She is the world's hardest person to shop for as anything you buy her, she'll find a week later for a quarter. Seriously, she's the Queen bargain shopper, I'm merely an underling.

Anyway, yesterday we got a little snowstorm and I *happened* to be at the mall when it hit. Darn, guess I'll have to shop. I was there to spend some GymBucks (Gymboree for you non-kid people), but I walked out with so much more.

First, there were several stores closing and clearing out their merchandise. Then, I was actually on my way out to the car, which was parked outside of Sears, when the wee child fell asleep. He'd been such a crank ass during lunch that I really didn't want to wake him, so I decided to go browse the Land's End stuff. What a happy coincidence, it was ALL ON SALE. I'm not just talking 10% or 20% off, I'm talking 50% off with and add'l 20% off all clearance merchandise. Having worn business attire while I was working and having been pregnant 2 out of the past 4 cold seasons, I was sorely in need of casual type warm weather clothing. My ILs are big Lands End and LL Bean fans and have totally converted me. Their shit is comfortable and wears really well. Anyway, I shopped until my stroller would tip over from the weight of the clothing and I only spent $100. Seriously, this was a hugely amazingly great deal.

Then today I'd planned to stay home as it was maybe 20 degrees and I didn't feel like wrapping the kids in 10 layers, but my friend A talked me into a trip to Target, who can resist Target? Well damn if their entire toy stock is on sale. Again, 50% or more off 3 aisles worth of items. It was a soon-to-be-birthday-boy's mom's dream come true. I got Thomas train stuff, Little People sets, play dough sets, car racing sets, the PeeknPlay Incrediblock, and a couple other things for maybe $85. This was easily $250 worth of stuff.

I love these little binges of shopping luck. They don't happen often, but when they do I feel like I'm walking on air for a few days afterwards. Yesiree, I loves me a bargain.

Shameless Plug

and plea for votes for Bakerina. If you have not yet visited her blog, bring napkins to catch the drool. She's up for a BoB award, you can vote once daily.

Feeling Liberated

I highly recommend going here and making a purchase. You'll be happy you did. :)

I don't know which way to go

Nine months in, and I'm still struggling with this whole stay at home mom thing. I know there are people out there who would live and die to have the opportunity to stay home and raise their children, and I feel lucky to be able to, but damn if I don't hate it sometimes. I feel so trapped, bored, suffocated and bored, did I mention bored? Maybe it's the winter weather or post holiday let down, but I'm back to feeling very frustrated with my life.

If I really want to dig down to the problem, it comes down to this. I don't have any alternatives. Not to say there isn't something else I could do, but what, I have no fucking clue. Cliche, but true, I have not found my calling. I thought for years it would be motherhood, and I so love motherhood, but SAHmotherhood, notsomuch. Teaching was ok, I liked the teaching aspect, but the rest of the bullshit surrounding teaching about drove me insane. Marketing, bah, it was nice to make more money, but I didn't love it. The elusive it, what is it, what do I want to be when I grow up? I'm so frustrated that I don't know this, and that even if I did decide it would be better to go back to work, I don't know what I would do. Trapped, claustrophobia...setting...in....can't breathe..... OK, so I'm being slightly dramatic, but seriously, I think my biggest difficulty in achieving happiness these days can be attributed to one solitary thing: lack of long term goals.

Easy you say, pick something to do and ta-dah, goal! Or if you're into soccer/football...GOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Yeah, no. I'm of the creative mind, and picking a direction for my life, way too overwhelming, the choices, God the decisions, I think I'll just suffocate here. Yes, I have issues with making up my mind if you didn't glean that from the previous sentence. I'm also a horrible fatalist at times, I think of possibilities and then follow up with all the reasons why they couldn't possibly work. I know I need a good "quit feeling sorry for yourself swift kick in the ass", but that would just give me an excuse to mope around saying poor me.

The worst part? This is a rotating funk of mine, the I don't know what to do with my life funk. It comes at least once a year, since I've been home maybe a little more often (72 times). Maybe I really should look into this professional spanking thing, I'm still getting regular hits for it. How hard could it be to wallop someone on the ass a few times?

I'm Touched

A LOT. All the time really, too much in fact.

Let me preface this entry by telling you that I am a touchy-feely type person. Anyone who has met me for three seconds can attest to this. I come from a huggy-touchy family. I married into a huggy-touchy family. I touch people when I talk to them. I hug and kiss my friends hello and good-bye, sometimes even on the lips. I grope, and if you scan back to October, there is even photographic evidence of that. Suffice it to say, I am the one you standoffish people have nightmares about (yes, that includes you Mel).

So, this isn't a matter of personality, it's a matter of personal space. I live among boob men/boys, three of them to be exact. They all have their different reasons for being so; the younger for nutrition, the oldest for pleasure, and the middle--shit if I know, probably curiosity.

Nursing I can handle, GB pushing my boob out of his mouth while still latched on I cannot. We've been battling this a lot lately. It makes me totally want to wean and be done with it, but I know this is just a phase and I'll work through it. Otherwise I enjoy nursing and love that time GB and I have together. DB is just fascinated. He loves to push, poke, pat and even kiss my boobs. This, icks me out a little. I know he doesn't think anything of it, but this crosses the comfort limit for even me. We have lots of talks about where not to touch mommy. DB's first response to "Where don't we touch mommy?" is always "PENIS!". Uh, no, mommy has a vagina--which is when DB looked at me like I was an alien and walked away. Hee, and so it begins. Poor BWB really gets the shit end of the stick with this. He is such a boob man, and here I am with these ginormous 38 F's and he can't touch. I get this weird nipple sensitivity when I nurse and anything touching them just icks me out (wow, the hits I'm going to receive for this entry). It doesn't hurt, just feels bad, I don't think I can adequately explain it. BWB is a good man and takes it stride--most of the time.

The boob thing is not what's giving me sympathy for all the non-touchers though, it's the elder boy. I love DB, love that he is a sweet, affectionate boy, but good freaking God, get off me once in a while. He is all about being in my face, on my lap, crawling up my back, touching me, kissing me, playing with my hair and basically being attached at the hip. I feel so bad for telling him to stop or asking him not to kiss me for the hundredth time, but I just can't take it. I know a toddler has no concept of personal space, le sigh. Would it be terribly wrong to build him one of those giant hamster balls or turn him into a bubble boy?

I'm seriously touched out.

It is ALIVE!

The familial invasion has officially ended with the departing of my mom ten minutes ago. Le sniff, I am once again the sole caregiver to my children. I'm enjoying my last 30 or so minutes of silence with a hot coffee, a crisp bagel and some blogging.

Shit, I don't even know where to begin at this point. I'll summarize by saying the holidays were fabulous, we didn't stop eating for two weeks. The boys were showered with gifts and in the usual turn of events I think DB likes GB's toys better and vice versa. But best of all we had a lot of time with family.

For NYE we stayed in and had friends over. We lit the fire pit, enjoyed the balmy 45 degree evening air and talked well into 2005. It's the only way to celebrate these days, because really, what's the point of being out and about on amateur night.

Which brings me to HOLY SHIT IT'S 2005! I'm going to have to start the usual writing and rewriting of dates anytime I fill out a form or write out a check. Hopefully by February I'll have it down.

So, what did I learn in 2004? Oh, some very important (and not so important) things.

1. No matter how excited you are about remodeling some part of your house and how great the end product may be, having to deal with contractors and the ensuing wreckage sucks donkey balls, especially when pregnant and a wee bit irritable.

2. Just because it would have been really really cool to have your second child be born 04/04/04 since your first was born 02/02/02 doesn't mean the bugger is going to cooperate.

3. And in the same light, a subsequent pregnancy being utterly different from the first means nothing in terms of gender of child.

4. I love birthing. Yes, I know, but I do. Having GB cemented that in my mind, I think the whole process is an amazing miraculous empowering event and I can't wait to do it again. But, I also discovered that evil pitocin is NOT what makes contractors totally unbearably painful, and thus the epidural is one of my favorite medical inventions.

5. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job I've ever had, and I'm incredibly fortunate to be able to do it.

6. I absolutely suck at being frugal.

7. Image be damned, minivans are a godsend to parents of multiple children. So if you see a 30-something woman rocking to Black Eyed Peas in a white Freestar, that might be me. Try not to laugh too hard.

8. I might not be the next literary award winner, but I do enjoy writing again, even if it's about mundane daily life. I realized after starting the blog and taking the photo class just how much I needed a creative outlet.

9. Sleep is integral to my happiness quotient--are you listening GB??

10. Time flies, kids grow, and I age way too fast.